My son died nearly 2 years ago now. In the last few weeks I've noticed I have new reasons to grieve him. I realized I was starting to forget things, or sometimes questioning whether my memories are correct. It has been like salt in still-very-fresh wounds.
Ephrem was 12. He still played with Nerf®️ and LEGO®️. His favorite things were ever changing. Things like his favorite songs and musicians, or favorite foods, are easy to remember because they engaged me in a multi-sensory fashion, but things about his inner world...things that didn't require much of my attention are slipping away. What WAS his most recent favorite color? Orangeredblueblack is my memory, but I don't know which was top, or if any had fallen off the list.
Not everyone enjoys keeping a journal, or the fussy organization of using a planner, but I am grateful to have been a documentarian of my own life since I was about 10 years old. This has come in handy since Ephrem's death, as I have needed to reference a journal or planner, or social media posts many times to help me recall some detail or other.
It hurts to forget. Sometimes I do feel disappointed in myself...as if I am less of a mother when I realize things are slipping away. But I have to remind myself that this is a common thread of grief. We are going to forget things. It is not a reflection of the love we feel.
WAYS TO SAVE MEMORIES:
Keep a written journal. It is never too late to start, and it could be as simple as bullet-pointing the things you don't want to forget.
Keep a scrapbook or memory box/jar. Add photographs. Add drawings and descriptions. Add tokens and mementos.
Do some voice recordings, and make sure to title them with the name of the memory associated. Perhaps record with other loved ones as a conversation or interview.
Never be afraid to talk about your loved one. Share their stories! Say their name! Ask others about their memories too. It feels so good to hear others loved and appreciated your loved one too, and many times they will have memories that will be new to us, which can be an invaluable gift.
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